New Reader of the Time Period!

Greetings again dear reader! Yes, the divines have communicated to me through the conductive filaments that permeate the ether in which all mortal creatures dwell that a sufficient increment of time has elapsed to allow the crowning of a new reader of the time period, which I shall do without further ado...drum roll please...and the new reader of the time period is...Tamar Gressel of New York City!

Of course, it would not be a proper celebration without a new mug, which I am delighted to present to you now:
Despite her continued use of enigmatic pseudonyms, Tamar has been a loyal fan of Jarthen from his earliest days, and has spent many long hours providing feedback and analysis of the narrative. In celebration of the many delightful comments that have earned Tamar this great accolade, we here at Jarthen HQ have chosen a few selections that we considered to be in some way representative of her contributions to The Tale of Jarthen.
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Undephinedgeek said...

"OMG! The music is BRILLIANT!

Tamarfains"

This comment was of course posted by Tamar in response to the delightful soundtrack used in our fabled mushcake-a-baking vodcast, which was greeted by you, the readership, with much delight and aplomb. Now, many of you will be wondering, "but sir, how were you able to discern from the arcane nomme de plombs found in this comment the identity of its author? Truly you must be an individual of stunning insight and depth of understanding!" To which I respond, "indeed, verily it is so, my child! But do not believe me to be more than that which I am, which is but a man of humble learning and possessed of merely middling wits. It was only through a long acquaintanceship with the aforementioned reader of the time period that I became privy to the strange and varied epithets employed by Ms. Gressel to obscure her true identity!"

With regard to the actual content of the comment, much credit must be given to one Melissa Sanders, Chairwoman of the Worthis Trust, and composer extraordinaire, who secured the band of Semitic minstrels to play this lofty tune. It was an original composition by the good chairwoman, the product of many hours of labor and thought.


Anonymous said...

"Man, no one made me a mush cake for MY birthday either... and you didn't see me being a whiny little pussy...

Tbone"

Again, of course, the uninitiated might be a touch confused by Tamar's ongoing use of pseudonyms, but I can vouch for the authenticity of Ms. Gressel's authorship of this statement, which I determined only after much study and prolonged pondering. Now, Tamar, to respond directly to your comment, I must say that I find your attitude to young Jarthen's plight most uncharitable! After all, he is but a lad of twelve, nay, thirteen, who has endured far more in his brief years than the vast majority of us will be subjected to even when the full measure of our lives has been taken into account. Imagine, having to leave the parents with whom you have not developed a particularly deep or meaningful attachment, the rustic hamlet in which you had been reared, and the only other young man with whom you shared a deep, sacred bond. Imagine it, reader, and tell me that you too would not weep for lack of mushcake. I know that I, like our young protagonist, would also be apt to shed a tear over the fateful conclusion of my youth. For is that not the point at which both young Jarthen and Bertronius find themselves to be?

I will leave you to reflect on these thoughts.

Merry Christmas!

Oh, Jarthreaders, I do hope that your holidays have been as joyful as ours have, here at Jarthen HQ. First, I'd like to pass along some holiday greetings sent to us from our dear friend Madge:

She wrote that she has begun playing World of Warcraft (like someone around here) to fill the void left by our shameful lack of posting, and that that her troll is badass and would own you in a duel. That's a direct quote.

We have our own christmas present for you as well! View, at your leisure, the incredibly professional powerpoint presentation that made the reimagined Jarthen blog possible:



Enjoy the holidays!

- Jon and Melissa

The Jarthen Blog Reimagined

Greetings dear reader. First, allow me to express my deepest and most heartfelt apologies for having been so remiss in posting! I know that it's been almost a month since we were last privy to the inimitable Tale of Jarthen, and believe me when I say that no one has felt his absence more acutely than myself.

Unfortunately, I was under a great deal of strain, and did not feel equal to the task of maintaining the blog. During this drought of adventure and whimsy, it became painfully obvious that I have been a poor custodian of this beloved blog, and that I need the full time assistance of the incomaprable Melissa Sanders. Understandably weary of entering into any collaborative endeavor with me due to my long-standing history of incompetence and slothfulness (I'm sure that most readers are acquainted with my disappointing tenure as editor in chief of The Skinny), I was only able to secure Melissa's continued participation by utilizing a very snappy, professionally designed powerpoint presentation detailing a reimagination of the Jarthen Blog and its upkeep (the powerpoint will be posted as soon as I can figure out how to do it -- we have the technology!).

In recognition of Melissa's ongoing contributions to the Jarthen Blog, she has been unanimously elected to the post of chairwoman of the Worthis Foundation. The Worthis Foundation is charged with the management of young Bertronius's tale, and ensuring the continued excellence of the Jarthenpedia. I, your beloved if somewhat lazy author, will maintain my presidency of the Jarthen Foundation, which, of course, is responsible for Jarthen's story and upkeep of the main section of the blog. Don't be confused by the establishment of these seemingly sprawling organizations -- they have been created with the interests of all Jarthen readers and the rest of humanity in mind, and will steer a course consistent with the greater ideals that govern all our existence.

In addition, we have decided to open the Tale of Jarthen up to greater collaborative input from readers and members of the creative team in the form of a reinvented podcast. Now don't fear, dramatic readings, "Nattering On," and Madge Bobbins will all continue to delight us all unabated. However, we now request submissions from readers of all Jarthen inspired creative efforts, regardless of medium. We here at the Jarthen Foundation and the Worthis Trust plan on generating Jarthen-related videos and songs, and encourage all partisans of Elothnin to create and share their own ideas. For the musically inclined, this could take the form of songs celebrating the heroic deeds of Bertronius and Jarthen, or work on the long-awaited rock opera version of our tale, but don't limit yourselves! Create! Inspire! Etc.!

We look forward to your continued patronage!

The Great Unveiling

Jon and I have had a couple of things up our collective sleeve for awhile. First, we've been trying to think of a way to show our appreciation for you, the readers. Because Jarthen HQ would be sad and empty without you. Therefore, we'd like to honor each of you in turn by declaring you to be the Reader o' the Month!

And who is our inaugural Reader o' the Month, you ask? Hoping it's you¹, perhaps?! Well....if you're the singular Jennifer Renee Chiko, then your hopes have been fulfilled!

Ms. November quite frankly states:

"This [section which only features Bertronius] was actually probably the most enjoyable part of the Jarthen saga that I have read so far. I wonder if that says anything about my subconscious feelings towards Jarthen himself."

How could we not give it to Jennie? She's left, like, 98% of the comments, presumably making her our most dedicated, and vocal, reader. Now, Jennie you get more than just our affection, you also get a prize of your choosing from surprise number 2...the Jarthen Store²!

That's right, folks, you can now purchase a whole host of Jarthen-related products. Our recommendation to Jennie is the Madge Bobbins t-shirt, but there's plenty more in there to choose from. Leave a comment accepting your role as the Most Fantastic of November Reader, tell us what you want and where to send it, and it's yours.

Since Jarthen's not like a real gig or anything, and we're not expecting to make money off it (the store opening is mostly just because it's funny, not because we're expecting you guys to put us through graduate school one bumper sticker at a time), we have the free account where they only let you make one of each product at once. Which brings me to the Mug O' the Month!

Every month, we'll make a mug featuring a different character's visage and words. For our very first mug, we hope the first in a great line of mugs, we have quite logically chosen Jarthen! If you're a big fan of our vapid protagonist, pick one up. If (like myself and This Month's Most Esteemed of Readers) you can take or leave him, just stay tuned until we hit a character you do like, and snap that one up instead.

Trying desperately to keep you interested,

Melissa and Jon

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¹If you were hoping it was you and it wasn't, but you've left a few comments already, you're probably going to be recognized in December. If you were hoping it was you and it wasn't, and you've never left a comment, then we don't even know you read this blog! How can we recognize you when you keep hiding yourself? Leave a comment, O Anonymous One!

²All proceeds go to pizza and milkshakes, absolutely necessary to fuel the creative process.

Whither name?

Dear readers, I am sorry to interrupt the progress of Chapter 1: Trial By Fire, but I need your help! It seems that the records of our brainstorming have not been as meticulously kept by the creative team as I previously thought. When I sat down to write a brief post about the provinces of Elothnin, I discovered that the name of one has gone missing!

I implore you to help me name it, for I am too torn to decide myself. It is a largish province on the eastern side of Elothnin, which borders the Klevarcht mountains. It is a somewhat harsh, rocky area, but very good for fishing. The capital city in named Tresleneer. I will tell you that this province is to feature prominently later on in our story, so its name should be of the utmost importance.

A short poll is located on the sidebar. Vote for the name you find most melodic, and feel free to vote as many times as you'd like.

Blame the Editorial Board

Hello again dear readers. As I'm sure you've noted from this post's title, Chapter 2, "Of Elves and Soldiers," will not be appearing today. Unfortunately, due to some weighty criticisms leveled by the mysterious and omnipotent board of editing, I was unable to complete the final changes necessary for the next segment to be published. Although I have alluded to the shadowy proceedings of this dark, but gifted cabal, I am not currently at liberty to go into great detail concerning their deliberations. I hope, however, to be able to provide you with a clearer insight into their workings at some point in the future. Beyond the fact that they wear long robes, and that their faces are concealed by the odd shadows cast by the spare oil lanterns that light the hall of editorial inquisition, I can say no more.

Fear not, however, the next Chapter 2, part ii, will be appearing this Friday morning!

The results are in!

I am pleased to announce that we have a new name for Elothnin's easternmost province and it is--drum roll please--Shabarcht. It's been a long, hard-fought contest, and it ultimately came down to a tie-breaking vote being cast by yours truly, but I think the better name won. I think this a name that the Dwarves and hearty humans who inhabit this rocky, mountainous land can be proud of. I won't give too much away, but you, dear reader, can look forward to some exciting endeavors transpiring in this harsh land in the future. Look for more information on Shabarcht to come on The Jarthenpedia.

Podomatic sucks

Hi guys,

It's your faithful blog manager here to give you some less-than-awesome news: our podcast hosting site screwed us over. What happened is that Podomatic, the site we were using, was doing site maintenance....and magically all our our episodes got eaten. So, we decided to switch sites ad start anew. Now, we're at Podbean, which still lets us embed players in our blog here and everything. I've gone through the trouble of re-uploading all the episodes and re-embedding them in the post they're supposed to be in, so you should hardly notice the difference here.

ITunes is a different story. When we switched sites, our feed switched...and then we canceled our old account. What that means is iTunes is basically getting information from a feed that no longer exists, and for the life of me I can figure out how to go in and just edit the damn thing through iTunes. I think we may not be able to. So, I've re-submitted the podcast. Hopefully it will be re-accepted, by there's a chance this might drag on if the iTunes people decide it's a redundant podcast. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, those of you who are subscribed through iTunes should consider subscribing to the blog's feed in the interim so that you don't miss a precious episode.

-Melissa

The Author Makes an Apology

Greetings fair reader, I fear that I must again offer my apologies for yet another non-story post. To my credit, I should say, it is not due to a failure on my part, but, rather to an emergency meeting of that most august and formidable bodies, the Editing Team. Unfortunately, the honorable bachelor Brian Wonch was unable to attend because of the constraints imposed upon us mortals by the laws of the temporal realm. By a stroke of providence, however, the high council was able to establish a quorum with the presence of the estimable Jen Reid. Naturally, Van Parker and Melissa Sanders are also to be in attendance. That said, I must away to the great hall of editing and logical inquisition where I will defend my creative integrity against the harsh blades of reason and continuity.

On a more personal note, I am pleased to announce that today, the 19th of September 2007 is Melissa Sanders's 23rd birthday! All of us here at Jarthen wish her many happy returns of the day.

A New Addition

Hello again, loyal readers and now listeners, I regret to inform you that this post does not contain any new additions to The Tale of Jarthen: unfortunately, Chapter 1 is in the process of being edited by the diligent members of our creative team, for which they deserve a great deal of credit.

I write this post in order to draw your attention to a new feature located on what is known as the 'sidebar' of the Jarthen Blog, the Jarthenpedia. This delightful innovation is the brainchild of that most enterprising of souls, Melissa Sanders, who has worked day and night to bring this fantastic creation to life. The Jarthenpedia represents a valiant attempt to catalog, define and describe the world of Jarthen in a comprehensive and systematic way, hence the use of the suffix 'pedia.'

Inside you will find entries on a wide range of topics and issues, including the Erkenheld Forest, the Races of Elothnin, and even Jarthen himself. These posts provide a more detailed examination of the essential features of the Magickal Land of Elothnin than one could gracefully work into the delicate prose of the modern novel. Such being the case, Melissa Sanders has taken it on herself to provide you, the reader, with a deeper knowledge and understanding of Jarthen's world than I can within the confines of that lithe lad's particular narrative.

I strongly encourage you to take it upon yourself to explore the rich font of knowledge that is the Jarthenpedia. I do not doubt that it will greatly enrich your reading experience, allowing you to more completely imagine the setting of this thrilling tale. In addition, the attentive reader will be rewarded with the excitement of discovering the subtle use of both foreshadowing and 'Easter Eggs,' which, for those not familiar with this recent addition to the vernacular, are hidden features and media lodged in altogether unexpected places.

ETA: Hey everybody, it's Melissa. I just wanted to let you know the things I'm covering in the Jarthenpedia generally aren't necessary for understanding the narrative itself. It's basically supplemental. That being said, I am updating it more less constantly, and I'll be updating to keep the content relevant toward whatever's happening in the story. In either case, the newest, shiniest entries are listed at the top of the sidebar, so I'd suggest glancing over there occasionally. The full list of Jarthenpedia articles can be accessed by clicking on the (aptly named) Jarthenpedia link on the sidebar. The Jarthenpedia, apparently, counts as something that's a-happening. And, of course, if you've got a question or an interesting topic that you'd like more information on, leave a comment or email me and I'll do my best to find out.

Jarthen: An Introduction

Greetings dear reader, it is with great pleasure that I submit this novel-in progress for your consideration. One should note that this story is a living document: it has by no means reached its ultimate destination, or even fixed upon a direction in which to travel. I, the author, eagerly await your comments, insights and suggestions, if you feel so bold as to offer them (and please do). I do not doubt that you shall recognize the unprecedented opportunity that I have offered to the reading public, but I feel compelled to warn against allowing one's self to become drunk with this power, as so many well-meaning tyrants of antiquity have: it can lead to nought but hardship for all parties involved. That said, I humbly invite you, brave soul, to begin your journey into the land of Elothnin and the adventures of Jarthen...